They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
