Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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