Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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