afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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