NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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