u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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