Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
