Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
