Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
