You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
