Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
