Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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