Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize