Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I wish you could order shots online.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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