please come you make the beer taste better
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
