I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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