his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
