haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
