Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
