so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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