wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.