this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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