they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll