I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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