I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
