My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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