Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
