He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
