All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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