i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
