woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
