So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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