I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
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She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
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Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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