I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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