Me too!
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
don't judge my taste in strippers
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
