last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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