Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
