my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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