please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize