just survived the first fart of the relationship.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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