The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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