Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
