He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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