I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
