The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
