You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
