8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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