No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize