Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
