i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
