he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
