I'm really into asian looking animals
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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