a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
