plz talk dirty to me
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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