Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
