New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
