By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Randomize
