I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
