Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
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Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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