hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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